Nocturnal Admission

This one is for Jessie

2009-01-10T18:22:00.005-05:00

I swear this is all true...

So I read a few of Jessie's posts about Twilight and didn't think too much of it...Sounded interesting but the chances that I would go buy the books or see the movie were slim. But then my Bro-in-law bought it for me.

So I read it in hours and fell in love with the teenage angst and felt lonely when it was finished and I wasn't with Bella and Edward anymore. I debated going to the bookstore for New Moon but then snow and laziness set in.

So, I was walking past our bookcase (where I would have sworn I knew all the books there) and suddenly saw New Moon sitting there. Neither Adam or I have any idea where or who it came from. Brilliant though.

Sit down to read (Adam upstairs watching tv) and get to a part where Bella is begging Edward to let her become one of them.... and I kid you not, 2 seconds later Alphaville's Forever Young drifts down from upstairs. "Forever young, do you want to be forever young...Do you want to live forever, forever, forever young..." I might have shed a tear.

I keep reading and naturally come to a part where Bella falls down. And suddenly from the tv upstairs (I have not idea what he's watching) comes Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time: "If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting...time after time"

Spooky right? Now I just need Edward to materialize in my living room. Shivers.

Womanizer? More like Little Girlanizer

2009-01-10T10:48:00.001-05:00

Vomit eye

2009-01-07T00:17:00.002-05:00

From one of my fav Brit trash mags:

"There was a time when Lindsay Lohan used to be an actress. And quite a good one. Now, frankly, she has less reason to call herself an actress than Paris Hilton. Paris at least stars in films, even if they do make your eyes vomit."

I love a good eye vomiting.

Bon Fin de L'Annee (Or Art Vanderley)

2009-01-07T00:09:00.003-05:00

Happy New Years to all (and Jeff). Bummed I wasn't with the gang either. Or that Jefe didn't make it either. Still waiting for the someone to post about the Shenanigans please.

Jeff, I did buy you a present in Paris even though I wasn't intending to.

Paris was fabulous ... and I didn't fall off the balcony, so I consider it a success.

Hope we can all get together soon.

Adam's Nocturnal Admission

2008-12-26T13:03:00.002-05:00

"Reny, what's more interesting? The chickens in the walls or sleeping in a bed?"

Yummy

2008-12-26T13:01:00.001-05:00

"This is what happens when you buy dog treats and beef jerky on the same shopping trip."

-- Adam, after he ate Reny's dog treats. Which apparently tasted better than the beef jerky.

What happened to the Kelly I used to know?

2008-12-17T17:21:00.004-05:00

I'm starting to buy in to the latest (Tom)Cruise (Spin)Control:

(1) I smiled while reading the recent People cover story.

(2) I watched Mission Impossible III on a plane the other night.

(3) I'm starting to at least consider that he might not be gay or at least not in a long-term relationship with Will Smith.

However, I'm still worried about Suri's nose as she gets older.

I think I need help.

p.s. I also voted on an USmagazine online poll about whether I felt more favorable to him these days. Answer: Yes

I am apparently Britney's #1 Fan

2008-12-17T13:37:00.002-05:00

What has happened to me?

Yesterday, I put Circus on repeat. I got away with it for about 20 minutes before Adam realized and cut me off.

More Brit bits

2008-12-09T13:53:00.000-05:00

Someone (let's just call her Shirley) just had a dream the she was teaming up with Justin T to support Britney on her comeback tour. But at the last minute, Shirley and JT decided that Britney just wasn't ready so they just went and danced backstage. And there was a lot of kissing. Wicked!

Guess who's going to see Britney Bitches!

2008-12-05T13:52:00.000-05:00

That's right. I'm ready for her big comeback. Friday, March 13th in NJ baby. We really should have bought insurance on those tickets. A lot could go wrong between now and March...for me or Brit.

Oh and Pussycat Dolls opening. Not sure how to process that one. Most likely at the bar.

The Body makes me forget

2008-12-02T22:56:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but I keep forgetting that JB isn't coming home for xmas....No matter how many times she, or anyone else, keeps telling me.

I have a feeling that I will have my face (reversed ham) pressed against Mel and Chris' window on December 25.

Almost thought of something else

2008-12-02T22:51:00.001-05:00

But I'll have to tell you in secret. Please contact me at your earliest convenience if you are in the know.

Over and Under

Almost thought of somefing

2008-11-30T22:42:00.003-05:00

The Grand Ol' Dame of Kelly
She had ten thousand men
She marched them up to the top of the hill
And she marched them down again

And when they were up, they were up
And when they were down, they were down

And when they were only half way up
They pulled their trousers down

I give you this because, as I was walking the dog, I had thought of something I really wanted to say, but by the time I got home I already forgot.

Amuse yourselves while I try to think.

Jen: ask Phil to sing English Country Garden; Maggie only had one...; and Hitler only had one... in the meantime.

I do like people, really

2008-11-23T02:26:00.005-05:00

KT BD:

Best vmail from jb. there was singing and other things. it was pure bodner and I couldn't have asked for anything more. I love you JB!!!

Traynor jukebox interlude: She's a killer queen, dynamite with a laser beam. can't get Queen out of my mind.

adam and trivial pursuit = kelly "no pie" traynor. he is lucky he is adam or he would be in big trouble.

I talked on the phone today. and i don't talk on the phone. to several people. it wasn't that bad. will recover over the next few months.

peace out. reny rules.

So says Scott

2008-11-22T19:16:00.001-05:00

I need another one before I have my first.

That was just a big box of bacon and balls.

Did you know?

2008-10-31T10:06:00.002-04:00

That Elvis Presley was a twin?

I didn't.

I wonder if he is dead or alive, Jeff

Fav headline of the day

2008-10-28T17:41:00.002-04:00

Jonas Brothers to star in farting dog movie

Politics: My Version of Live Blogging

2008-10-15T22:02:00.002-04:00

Are you either "My Friend" or "Joe the Plumber" ???

If you are...please go away

Senator O Government wants you to go away now.

Halloween came early

2008-10-13T14:10:00.002-04:00

We went to Vermont to see Binnie and Floyd last weekend and went to a haunted corn maze late at night. It was so much fun...I pretty much just screamed my head off throughout the whole thing. You would too if people were jumping out at you in the dark in a giant field of corn.

We tried to go into a fun house at the other end, but after waiting in line for eons and having to stand in the middle of someone's massive fart for an obscene amount of time, we called it quits.

I can't wait to go back next year!!

Shout out to Turkey

2008-10-12T09:11:00.002-04:00

Goofy Hitler just popped into my mind. And I laughed and laughed and laughed.

And then I thought of my hero Travis. And I cried and cried and cried.

Good night Dum Dum.

'Cos the S is for Super

2008-08-18T20:32:00.002-04:00

Reny is my new dance partner. Dog's got some mad skillz yo.

Our two new fav's:

JJ Fad obviously. Reny takes the super fast rap part, and I do the rest.

And 'I need to praise you' by our own Norman Cook. I play my old part and Reny plays the part previously played by Jeff where we jump and down.

Wicked!

Cocktails for two

2008-08-16T10:22:00.000-04:00

My new fav song from Seth's bro Barclay, which we found the video for

Binny & Floyd

2008-08-13T16:20:00.000-04:00

My old friends Bert and Steve, whom Jeff renamed Binny and Floyd once upon a time, have been located. We lost touch about 7 years ago maybe.

Now, they're living in Vermont and I just went up for the weekend. Vermont is magical. I could live there. Hiking. Camping. Bird Watching. Porch Sitting. Cool as.

We're going back up there in early October for this scary nighttime maze through a corn field, which I am assured is scary as crap. Anyone wanna come with?

Snooze Button

2008-08-12T17:52:00.001-04:00

Our little pup Reny woke up and licked (sleeping) Adam's face this morning.

He turned over and mumbled: "My snooze button just licked me in the face"

Righteous!

Oh No!

2008-07-22T15:26:00.001-04:00

Sophia (aka Estelle Getty) has passed away.

Sophia, thank you for being a friend.

It just keeps getting better....

2008-07-10T16:32:00.002-04:00

Joe E. Tata, baby!

From CNN.com:

Nat's back on new '90210'

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Joe E. Tata is cooking again in the role of Peach Pit diner owner Nat for the new incarnation of "Beverly Hills 90210."

Tata, who was part of the original series that aired from 1990 to 2000 on Fox, said Tuesday he was wrapping up his scenes for the pilot episode of CW's version of the show. The part represents "lightning striking twice," he said.

It's uncertain if his character will remain part of the series, he said.

"The coin's in the air for me," Tata told The Associated Press. "I guess it comes under the heading of magic test: Let's see if the audience still remembers me."

The drama about two high schoolers from the Midwest who move to California and enroll in West Beverly Hills High School debuts September 2.

Other alumni of the first "90210" appearing on the CW show are Jennie Garth, whose character of Kelly Taylor has become a high school guidance counselor, and Tori Spelling as Donna Martin.

Garth ("Dancing with the Stars") will be in several episodes, while Spelling is set for one episode so far, the CW said.

Shannen Doherty reportedly is in talks to return as Brenda Walsh. The network declined to comment on Doherty.

Tata, 71, said he jumped at the chance to bring back Nat, whose diner was the hangout of choice for the "90210" crowd.

Nat Bussichio was "a good guy, always there to help out," Tata said. The actor is still greeted by fans of the drama, sometimes unexpected ones.

"Cops and firefighters say to me, 'I used to watch the show -- I mean, my wife did, or girlfriend.' But they knew more about the show than I did," Tata said, laughing.

Matresses are after me

2008-07-02T19:52:00.001-04:00

For the past 5 or 6 days, everywhere I go I see matresses out on the street. Every block I walk the Renegade Master, I pass multiple matresses out on the sidewalk. When I go pick up a sandwhich from work for lunch, I pass people carrying mattresses. When I pass a moving van, they are always loading a mattress.

Is this new mattress season and no one told me?

Dumb Dog is so Dumb...

2008-07-02T19:50:00.004-04:00

Keeping with the Match Game theme...

My dog from hell(ish) is trying to eat the hair off the brush I'm trying to brush her with. That can't be a good treat.

In other news, she is now trying to teach the hairbrush (and this laptop) a lesson.

Good times.

Clay Aiken Is Going to Be a Dad

2008-05-30T11:05:00.000-04:00

There are no words to express how wrong this is

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20203048,00.html

Mr Cuckoo Head

2008-05-13T16:50:00.002-04:00

Mr Cuckoo Head was our front row live entertainment the other night on a long subway ride home from Harlem to Brooklyn.

As you may well guess, Mr Cuckoo Head (as he called himself) wasn't exactly all there.

He had a big tall cardboard box. With one thing in it. A shiny wrestling belt.

Mr Cuckoo spent a good deal of time reinforcing to us that he knew he was gonna be a wrestler ever since he was in DooDoo Pampers.

I was so sad when he got off the train before us!

My fox Reny

2008-04-17T11:10:00.000-04:00

Got me a dog.

Been waiting to get one against my own good advice for years.

Then went and got me a dog.

(dog = god backwards, another reason god loves me.)

Reny the fox she is and she's adorable.

Come one and all to see her.

Just not all at the same time please.

* Free dog walkers can apply at any time *

I got game... and burgers

2008-04-15T23:56:00.002-04:00

The night started innocently enough.... The monthly meeting of the Burger Club! This month: Shake Shack. In honour of Spring to come but that just wasn't quite there, but it was ok because there were heat lamps.

We get in line to order. We get in line to pick up. And then someone offers us Knicks tickets! So, burger scarfed quickly, taxi hailed, and we're at the Garden. Club seats!

Game good. Waitresses good. Then they bring out the 'cheerleaders' and they're doing that shoot-a-t-shirt-at-the-crowd thing. Seen it many times before and 'eh?'

But all of a sudden, I got the fever for a t-shirt. I got so excited, but what were the chances? And then it happened...

A t-shirt ricocheted off the face of a little kid nearby and landed in my lap!! Mine. So mine. That kid had a giant foam finger (which makes me think of pooping [or not] at Shea Stadium, but that's a story for another time), so what else did he need?

I instantly decided to not feel bad... or look him or his father in the eye and took my prize home.

Have been sleeping in it every night since (without washing it). Decided against Adam's advice to wave it around and yell "suck on it kid" when we ended up across the subway platform from them at the end of the night.

See, god does love me.

Crazy Wendy: the final showdown

2008-03-31T16:53:00.002-04:00

The good news: We are finally officially, forever done with her. As Adam put it, we are done, but she will be miserable forever.

So, our lease doesn't technically end until today. But yesterday, we went back one last time to check the mail and pick up some stuff we had left behind.

Imagine our surprise when we entered the place and not only was our stuff not there, but someone else's was. (Strangely enough including a bathtub filled with beer bottles.)

When we confronted Good Ol' Crazy, she acted confused and said there had been workers in and lots of green bags. She then proceeded to walk over to a specific garbage can (out of 5) to check JUST IN CASE and sure enough, there were our clothes.

We had been joking that we should go back and throw a rager just to piss her off..turns out she threw her own party in the meantime.

Some further unpleasantries ensued and then we were out of there for the last time.

Our only regret was that we didn't take a beer for the road!

My husband has a new career

2008-03-23T12:07:00.000-04:00

He's a fartriloquist. Need I say more? I'm always looking over my shoulder for an intruding farter. The one thing we can't agree on is whether fartriloquist should be spelled with one L or two.

I'm baaaack!

2008-03-21T11:25:00.001-04:00

Hello me lovelies…It’s been a while.

Firstly, I was away on one of the best holidays evas. I am still mourning that it is over. Me, Adamski, Jenni “Happy Pizza” B, Rita, Phil, and Daniela spent two weeks in Singapore, Cambodia, and Thailand.

I can’t even cull any highlights because there were too many. Although the sea kayak (that I wasn’t in) tipping over was highly entertaining. Phil kicking me in my girly parts in the pool was not. And for a pale, freckly kid who likes Asian food ok but doesn’t love it, I did great! No sunburns or food pukes to report. (I did stick mostly to chicken fried rice.)

Secondly, home again and the big move. There were some unpleasantries exchanged with crazy landlady, some security camera recorded breaches, and we are so out of there. It was a great place but not worth the crazy that was wrought upon us.

We’re still swimming under boxes in the new place, which I would define as having “character.” And by character, I do mean that the whole place slants, there’s not a single right angle in there (including sockets strangely enough), and you can actually take out the individual bricks from the wall (but I wouldn’t recommend it because the place might collapse).

Hope to see you all there sometime soon!

Give me thy wisdom

2008-02-13T23:05:00.002-05:00

Do you agree with me that you can't have a non-sequiter as an opening statement? It would have to follow something else to make it a non-sequiter right?

I'm sorry if this is too much thinking.

The Dutch Oven

2008-02-13T23:03:00.001-05:00

In the same vein as Jeff asking questions but never providing the answer: does anyone know why a dutch oven is so named? Please let me know your theories.

Ladies, we can now rest easy

2008-02-08T12:19:00.000-05:00

Link to full 3 minute video below

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?ei=UTF-8&b=4&vid=1937988&gid=3442582

On the brighter side of life

2008-02-08T11:30:00.000-05:00

Here are the positives that can come out of this move:

We saw a frosty-the-tiger GRRREAT place last night.
It's about 100 feet away from The Farm.
The red tin is bound to re-appear at some point in the stages of moving, right?
No CRAZY landlady anymore.

Out damn spot!

2008-02-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

Ater all this time, I can't believe I never blogged about the crazy landlady. So many good stories, but most of you probably already know them.

But last night, we were served notice.

That's right. As we were showing our superbowl guests out [smoking a cigarette], Crazy Wendy came up to us and informed us that she wasn't renewing our lease.

Why you ask? So did we.

a) We smoke. In the back of the garden as agreed to with Crazy Wendy.
b) We don't do enough to upkeep the garden. In the dead of winter. With snow on the ground.
c) We don't check the communal mailbox often enough.
d) It's just not working out.

So, we leave in 2 weeks for a glorious 2 week holiday. Come back. And have to be out 2 weeks later. Good times!

The real sucky part is that I love this apartment.

: (

Sometimes I like to write letters #2

2008-01-28T16:11:00.000-05:00

Dear Amtrak,

I'm writing to let you know of my displeasure (and that of others seated around me) during a train ride I took on Amtrak the other day from Hudson to NYC.

It appears that someone made the most unwise decision to close down the bar car on this train several months ago. I was therefore forced to sit in my seat, and with nothing to do, I fell asleep. And snored. Really loudly. The whole way home. And really annoyed a lot of people.

Had the bar car been open, none of this would have happened. Because I would have been there drinking. I can't imagine that this decision was made with cost savings in mind given how badly you rip everyone off for these products.

I demand that you open the car again last week. If you do not, I might not be able to go visit my friends anymore.

Thank you.

Burleque is born

2008-01-12T17:42:00.000-05:00

An amusing series of wrong word speak over bacon butties this morning resulted in a new venture for Adam and I.

I was trying to remember what Dita von Teese's "career" was and then there was some words that were hard.

And then "Burleque" was born.

Barbecue served to people while they watch burlesque dancers.

And we're calling it Adam's Rib.

Burleque b*tches!

Watering the dog

2008-01-08T10:08:00.000-05:00

Not to get too serious on you, but I already had a few concerns about this practice to begin with.

And Sunday Brunch with my sister left me with no doubts.

Her golden retriever just got fitted with one of those doofy plastic collars that stops him from licking, biting, or chewing some offending body part. Or as my sister likes to call it, an Elizabethan Collar.

Problem is that he can't get at his water bowl with said collar in the way, so sister decided to pour water into his collar just to help him out.

Resulting in her waterboarding her own dog.

Nice job.

I went down a manhole

2008-01-04T09:08:00.000-05:00

Seriously. I climbed down a manhole in the middle of a busy intersection in Brooklyn and it was awesome.

Apparently, back in the early 1800's when trains would arrive in Brooklyn carrying freight from Boston, they kept running over pedestrians because trains didn't have brakes back then. The solution was to build an underground tunnel (the world's first) where the train could run out of steam in a safer manner.

Cut to the mid 1800's and there were politics and development and something about the pine barrens, and the tunnel was supposed to have been filled in and closed forever. But the owner went for a short cut and just sealed off both ends.

For the past 150 some years there have been rumours aplenty about said tunnel. The mob was storing dead bodies down there and the FBI even went down during World War I when they thought the germans were manufacturing mustard gas down there.

It's location wasn't publicly known but endlessly searched for for years until some dude found it in the 80's. Now he does tours down there and learns you all the stuff I write above and more. It was really really cool.

I had pics that were supposed to go with this, but they got deleted. Bummer.

Do you want some pizza?

2008-01-02T08:09:00.000-05:00

This was what some guy asked me on the subway platform the other day. Herein follows the conversation (mostly one-sided) that ensued as others watched and enjoyed:

Me: No thanks
Him: But I just got a new job today
Me: Nod happily
Him: And I even forgot to wear socks (pulls up pants to show bare ankles)
Him: You know Lennox Lewis?
Me: Uh-huh
Him: My dad used to get all the fights on pay per view. He's my hero.
[brief interlude on Lennox that I couldn't quite grasp]
Him: Are you married? I'm looking for a companion.
Him: Once I found out I got the job, I went and bought flowers and took them back and threw them everywhere.
Him: Then they told me that I can't drink on the job. But I don't think so. If anyone come visit me, I will have a drink for them
Me: Still nodding and occasionally high fiving with him
Him: Once I get my vouchers, I'll be cool. It's very important to get that done.
Me: I agree
Him: Actually, everything in life is important.
Me: I agree
Him: Once I get my vouchers, I can stop drinking, but until then I can't live off my job alone.
Me: Amen brother.

End Scene

Why are people so stupid?

2007-12-27T19:57:00.000-05:00

This goes down as one of my biggest pet peeves known to me. Ever.

The setting: The baggage claim at any airport. Anywhere. In the world.

The physics/mechanics/logistics are really simple if even 2% of your brain is working: If everyone stands a few feet back from the carousel (yeah, it's not an effin ride dip shits), then everyone can see when their luggage is coming.

But, most of us apparently feel the need to stand as close to the freakin conveyor belt as stupid-humanely possible without getting sucked under. And then NO ONE can see. Which results in stupid human tricks when people see their bag as it passes them by.

I find it a good guage of who has an iota of intelligence in this world and who I would gladly smack in the face given the opportunity (or if I had no fear of being locked away in an airport holding cell).

Think about it next time you're waiting for your luggage and just take a step back - otherwise I might have to bitch slap you.

Fav line from 30 rock

2007-12-18T16:47:00.000-05:00

From Jack:

"I like a woman with ambition, it's like seeing a dog wear clothes"

Jeff-isms

2007-12-16T11:11:00.000-05:00

Another gem from our dear friend:

"I love sitting at tables, even when I'm not eating"

Surprise Guest

2007-12-09T12:01:00.001-05:00

So, this week's We Weekly had a party planning section, which included such gems as

1. how to position candles
2. how to make mulled wine
3. eat, drink, be merry
4. plastic cups are out
5. what to do if your partner gets drunk

and this exciting tidbit...

The ultimate splurge if you've got the cash is wrangling a celebrity guest. Paris and Nicky are only $300k, Britney a steal at $250k, KFed going cheap for $50k, and Dave Navarro is a mere $25k.

Bet you can't wait to see who's coming for New Year's Eve....

Our new house

2007-11-19T20:57:00.001-05:00

Since we moved in 8 months ago, we have a) never found a home for some stuff and b) added to the piles because we're slobs.

Well, no more peoples.

The idea of 13 people over for american turkey day got us in motion on sunday.

Since then, adam has spent much time staring at his newly organized pantry.

And I have spent equal time admiring the new "black-n-white" study.... And looking for the little red tin. Alas. Curses. Foiled again.

Happy American Holiday. And now an ode to JB on Thanksgiving with love.

Happy thanksgiving to you
Happy thanksgiving to you
Happy Turkey Day, dear JB
Happy gobbles to you.

We miss you JenniB

xxxxx

Nocturnal Admission

2007-11-19T15:50:00.000-05:00

Apparently I was thrashing about with the duvet the other night at 3 a.m.

When husband asked me what I was doing, I replied:

"I have to reorganize the sleeping bags"

I guess I might have been camping in my sleep that night.

The Germolene Gene Strikes Again

2007-11-16T12:20:00.000-05:00

This time it hit my sister:

Sister Germolene: What are you doing this weekend?

Me: Going to see Stevie Wonder

SG: Yes, but will he see you?

Jenni B and Me (and some other folks)

2007-11-14T12:47:00.000-05:00

I finally booked my trip to Singapore to see Jenni B in February. Two whole weeks of experiencing her lifestyle (sans gym) and traveling around the area.

I can't wait!!!

I know that Bangkok is on the list and some place in Cambodia, but we haven't made those plans yet. More details to come

All I can say for now is bring on February.

I hate this crap but I'm doing it anyway

2007-11-02T15:20:00.000-04:00

Here we go....

pop-o-matic "tagged" me on Friday and here is what I have to do:

A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...

B). Share 5 random and/or weird facts about yourself...

C). Tag 5 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...

D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

Well, I just did "A" and "B" above so here are my 5 random and/or weird facts about myself:

1. I hate pickles (they're soaked in evil)
2. I have a little man in my head sitting on a stool who sometimes rides a bike
3. I hate these fill in the answers and then forward it type of things
4. I ate couscous for the first time in 25 years the other day
5. I have recently developed a snoring problem

I would like to tag the same people that Jeff did - because I don't know any other people that would read this and I'm saving everyone the trouble of duplicating efforts. I guess I really only did part Ba

Friendship never ends

2007-11-02T14:46:00.000-04:00

Been back in the motherland, so apologies for my absence (they don't have computers there yet).

But now I'm back, and guess what I have to look forward to:

I'M GOING TO SEE THE SPICE GIRLS!!!

A bit of Brit back with me (and Shosie).

Love,
Dirty Spice

The Germolene Gene gets lost on the way to a funeral

2007-10-19T15:00:00.000-04:00

When my grandfather died some years back (father to Aunty Evil), my dad (the Germolene Gene) hopped on a plane from America straight to England for the funeral.

We weren't really too sure how long he would be gone or when to expect him back.

However, we were rather surprised when, 6 days later, my grandmother called us to ask what happened to him.

I can't remember if we actually got confirmation of this or whether we just decided it was the likely reason...but either way, he never left London for the trip up north. Apparently, he was held hostage in a London pub for a week or so.

GG Rules!

Jeff-ism

2007-10-18T09:54:00.001-04:00

The Greek are hairy

Stuff it in your cornhole

2007-10-17T11:47:00.000-04:00

The Pennsylvania Crew (aka the Mob Gang) will have to alert me to what we called this fanastic athletic game that you are able to play while holding a drink.

You remember ... the one where you throw little beany bag things into a hole in a plank. (That's the scientific description.)

Because Newsweek (that venerable journalistic weekly that some people wouldn't let into their homes, even if I was holding it) has an article about said game this week.

And they call it CORNHOLE. Apparently, no concern for small children going on there.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/42506

I just trademarked your ass

2007-10-16T16:52:00.001-04:00

Update: I just got back from some federal office in Washington DC.

I went there with the specific purpose of trademarking the phrase "Blissful Ignorance"

Done.

Now if you ever get an invitation to visit Jeff and Seth at Blissful Ignorance, you best be showing up on my doorstep instead.

Thank you for your concern.

Shout out to Turkey

2007-10-16T11:45:00.001-04:00

As everyone should know, there are only two things that can happen down by the docks: Sudden death or a candelight dinner.

Yesterday on GH was a sudden death.

It was a good day.

Our house, in the middle of the street

2007-10-11T18:10:00.000-04:00

Adam and I were sitting in the ~~grown up~~ upstairs living room last night and I had one of those split second thoughts of "wow, this is where I live" and then it was gone.

I decided that places don't really feel like home because I've never lived in one place for more than 3 or 4 years in my whole life. I floated this idea by Adam and the following ensued.

K: Maybe if we have kids at the table and family dinner time, it would feel like home.

[WTF???]

A: And you're cooking right?

[Momentary lapse into hysterics]

A: Do you realize that if we had kids, you'd have someone to play games with all the time.

K: Yeah! I'll make them play boggle before they can spell

K: Um,

K: Um,

K: Yeah, but will they want to play with me at 2 a.m. in the morning when I'm drunk?

Read this or else

2007-10-10T16:08:00.000-04:00

Sweet and Low by Rich Cohen

Introducing the Germolene Gene

2007-10-10T14:36:00.001-04:00

The germolene gene is what my sister and I refer to when we realize in ourselves any unfortunate traits (i.e., bad behavior) that we have inherited from our father - the original Germolene Gene.

These tend to involve too much drinking, being highly antisocial at times, too much drinking, smoking, being an overall a**hole, and a whole load of other things.

Germolene is an ointment sold in England. Kinda like Neosporin for Brits. But back in the day it was really really bright pink and stunk like some approximation of rootbeer.

My father would practically bathe in the stuff (just like JLo with Creme de la Mer), but refused to ever rub it in. It was a sight and a smell to behold.

You'll be hearing more stories in the future about the original Germolene Gene and how his genes have manisfested themselves in his two lovely daughters.

Not now, but whenever I feel like it.

I hate that guy!

2007-10-09T12:22:00.000-04:00

I went to see the Arcade Fire on Saturday. Turns out it was one of those all day events with about eight crap bands playing before the main event.

So, after rolling around in the grass all day, we managed to find a nice little spot closer to the stage and behind a large puddle, so there was no one in front to block our view.

And then Youngy McPukester comes along and unloads the contents of his stomach right into the puddle. While that almost made me hurl myself, it got even better when loads of idiots walked straight through said puddle...in sandals. (And in some case mandals.) I tried to warn people for a while, but it was becoming a full-time job so I gave up my job as the vomit police and began to enjoy the show.

And then it happened.

One of my most hated celebrities walked straight through the puke puddle in mandals.

Adam effin Goldberg.

I was so torn between the glee I felt in seeing him walk through puke and the instant rage that I felt just seeing him so up close and personal. It was too much for me to handle.

I don't know what it is about this guy, but all around us we could hear people saying "What's that guy's name? I hate that guy!"

Maybe he could be Mean Monday for Jeff next week.

Where's my other grandma?

2007-10-03T14:26:00.000-04:00

We covered the Nanna in depth, but that's got me to thinking about my paternal grandmother - Grandma, as we like call her.

Grandma was happily living in a retirement home for a few years. And then one day, my Aunty Evil came and took her away. After that Aunty Evil ~~took care of~~ stole all Grandma's money.

Some time passed (just like gas) and then Aunty Evil told us that Grandma had died.

Six months previously.

And she wouldn't tell any of us where she was buried.

This was about 15 years ago, and to this day, I don't think anyone knows where Grandma is resting. Or Aunty Evil for that matter.

Me Look Pretty

2007-10-03T14:19:00.001-04:00

I'm finally gearing up to renew my driver's license...less than 60 days before the deadline after which, I would have to take the written test and drivers test all over again.

So, the point of this is that I will need a new picture for my license.

JDizzle - Can you grab your camera and meet me at the DMV?

Jeff-isms

2007-10-01T20:50:00.001-04:00

This is an ongoing series of recollections of words that come out of the mouth of our dear friend Jeff (aka pop-o-matic):

This is the early stages of Jeff and Seth's move to the wilderness:

"We're going to need a fence....to keep the zombies out."

"I'll need the precious deer arms to hold my rifle."

The Nanna: Grande Finale

2007-09-27T17:39:00.000-04:00

It's amazing the wealth of information that you can amass in one short weekend spent with a family member of superior wisdom and an awareness of the general state of the world around her like none other

Such was the knowledge we gained during our weekend with "The Nanna"

Following is the finale of the general account of our weekend with The Nanna.

We soon recover sufficiently from the bike path debacle to have lunch. At first glance, the place looks ok (asides from the family of three at the next table sharing three teeth between them), but we soon find out that the restaurant is sorely lacking because The Nanna doesn’t immediately “see anyone racing around taking orders.”

Somehow, we make it through lunch. The Nanna chugs my beer for me again and we then head back to Exeter to catch our bus. We only have two hours to spare, so naturally we are all a bit concerned at this point. In our haste, The Nanna almost drives through a fence, but we understand that this is ok because it must have just been put there recently. Changing traffic patterns and all that.

After this, all went smoothly until we had once again parked the car. The Nanna sprints out in front of several moving vehicles, but I am quickly told that she could have made it if I hadn’t stopped her thank you very much. When the same incident occurs again a short two minutes later, The Nanna informs us that she was merely following me, even though I happened to be about five feet behind her at the time.

So being as we are now at the bus station a full hour and a half before the bus leaves, we decide to get some coffee.

And then the map incident occurs.

Said map had been delivered to The Nanna to give to me. She had been reminded. I had been reminded. So naturally, we both forget the map. It happens. It’s not the end of the world. At least I didn’t think so.

The Nanna then lets me know that the map had in fact been on the coffee table right next to where I had sat the evening prior. And the map in fact had been the only thing on the coffee table that was right next to me where I sat all evening. (I suppose it would have been the only thing if you didn’t count the other ten items on the coffee table.) In fact, the more The Nanna thought about it, she was really quite sure that she had pointed out the map to me while I was sitting with it right under my nose.

Right, so now that we’ve established that is was really all my fault – something I think we all suspected anyway – we could close the book on that small unpleasantness.

We say our goodbyes and get on the bus.

Nocturnal Admission

2007-09-15T10:21:00.000-04:00

"Land mass makes me giddy. Ahoy!"

Jeff-isms

2007-09-14T16:31:00.000-04:00

This is the first in a series of recollections of words that come out of the mouth of our dear friend Jeff (aka pop-o-matic):

"I don't chew things that are on other things"

When asked whether he would like some corn on the cob. Further clarified with:

"Unless it's on a stick, which I can handle (corn dogs)"

Monday Night Football

2007-09-12T15:56:00.000-04:00

So, I get home from work on Monday and our friends Kitty and Gary were already down in our mediatorium basement watching the game.

I shout down that I was just going to change and in response, I hear "Bring some Dos Equis!" Sounds fair enough. I go put on husbands pajamas and start rummaging around in the fridge for some Dos Equis. I finally go downstairs and apologize for not being able to find any Dos Equis. But apparently, Kitty had shouted "Wear something sexy!"

Guess I failed on both accounts.

The Nanna: Part 3

2007-08-30T07:54:00.000-04:00

It's amazing the wealth of information that you can amass in one short weekend spent with a family member of superior wisdom and an awareness of the general state of the world around her like none other

Such was the knowledge we gained during our weekend with "The Nanna"

Following is the third in a series of a general account of our weekend with The Nanna.

Sunday dawned bright and early with The Nanna waking us just to let us know that time was running out, and we only had 7 hours until our bus left.

Before venturing out, we engage in some more high spirited learning. Here we learn that there are gangs of thugs roaming the streets everywhere these days. Apparently, once they are tired of roaming and menacing, they all stuff themselves into discos and drink themselves silly. And the police don’t do anything about it because they are too busy trying to trap innocent citizens – such as The Nanna – with speeding tickets. The solution to this would soon become clear – forced military service.

We also learn that people really don’t know how to go to war properly these days. Apparently, they bellyache too much and ask for leave to come home due to trivial events. Further inquiry determines that such trivial events can include the death of a close relative or the birth of a child.

So, off we go to the seashore…

On the way (it’s only about eight miles), we discover that motoring just isn’t a pleasure anymore. As a group, we all wonder where all these people could be rushing off to, hell for leather, on a Sunday. Did I mention that the trip was only about eight miles?

As soon as we arrived, it became uncommonly windy and started to rain. But that wasn’t going to stop us. Neither was it going to stop The Nanna from sitting on a bench and eating an ice cream cone. Upon mentioning that I was cold, I learned that it was my fault for not eating enough to keep me warm. Upon resuming our stroll, The Nanna lets us know that in her day, they used to do quite a bit of walking, but that children today don’t know what their legs are for.

And just when we thought we had learned it all, we find out that “they” are always spending our money on something silly. Further inquiry determines that the silly things in question are bike paths.

[Aside from our friend Bernhard: “And who is using these bike paths? Hungarian gypsies of course!”]

Coming soon....the Grande Finale

American Football

2007-08-26T09:25:00.000-04:00

I think Tom Brady kinda looks like a goofy bastard (in the best sense of the word).

Also, are the Patriots the only NFL team that represents a region rather than a state?

Just curious.

Wicked Storms

2007-08-26T09:11:00.000-04:00

This is the guy I would like to hang out with in the middle of a tornado:

"I've seen devastation and I've helped clean up, but I've never seen it be me," he said. "I bought a bottle of Jim Beam, and it's in the house. I could really use a sip of that right now."

The Nanna Part 2

2007-08-20T14:43:00.000-04:00

The second installation (and if you didn't read the first, just scroll down because I don't have time to do the links and shit...didn't you read the "my husband just had back surgery post"????)

We have a lovely stroll along the water, and at one point I overhear The Nanna asking Adam how he and Peter managed to end up with such useless wives. I later learn that this is because neither my sister nor I have really excelled in the culinary arts.

The Nanna then proposes a pint at the pub. Now we’re getting somewhere. After ½ a pint, I’m starting to warm up to The Nanna’s stories, while Adam is discreetly but furiously texting under the table – no doubt requesting the Royal Navy leave those trapped cavers in Mexico and undertake an emergency extraction from Exeter.

The Nanna soon realizes that we now only have 40 minutes to make it back to the car, and jumps up ready to go. We oblige and are putting on our coats when The Nanna realizes I still have almost ½ a pint left.

“Well, perhaps I should help you with that,” she says as she tips her head back and finishes off my beer for me in three seconds flat.

The next few hours aren’t worth reporting on as The Nanna decided to go home and there was no more fun to be had on our part. Somehow, we managed to while away the hours and then went home, ready for our big Saturday night.

We watched Miss Marple.

Betcha can't wait for the Sunday edition.....

Back to the BeginAgain

2007-08-20T14:31:00.000-04:00

Have been absent because husband decided to go and get hisself some back surgery. Recuperating now, but for those of you who know me as decidedly unsentimental, you should have seen me last thu/fri...Nothing but love man

Anyway, thank god I'm over that. Much love to Seth/Jeff for maintaining my sanity! And the tonka truck!

Also, thanks to Jeff and Seth for supplying my latest Nocturnal Admission (following)...makes me think I likely fell asleep before they left, which is kinda rude...but then again, I'm over it.

Friday (the past one) at 1:02 a.m.

"Yeah...ha...ha...(giggling) yeah good stuff"

"aw yeah dingleberry"

"pthyph"

I can confirm, or at least assume, that the dingleberry was Jeff.

I usually win

2007-08-10T15:48:00.000-04:00

From Found Magazine:

The Nanna Part 1

2007-08-10T15:13:00.000-04:00

It's amazing the wealth of information that you can amass in one short weekend spent with a family member of superior wisdom and an awareness of the general state of the world around her like none other

Such was the knowledge we gained during our weekend with "The Nanna"

Following is the first in a series of a general account of our weekend with The Nanna.

After choosing not to heed our taxi driver's warning that we were about to commence on an unusually long trip of almost three miles, we arrive in Pinhoe, Exeter shortly after 11 pm on Friday. George Washington greets us at the door and then proceeds to keep us standing in the doorway for a good 10 to 15 minutes until we manage to sneak past her earlobes and into the living room. Adam refuses the first of eleventy-hundred cups of tea offered to him over the next 40 hours, and we escape to bed shortly thereafter.

Saturday dawns bright and early at 6 a.m. (for The Nanna) and 11 a.m. (for us). The Nanna isn't sure whether to serve us breakfast or lunch and is concerned on our behalf that we might have run out of time to go anywhere or do anything. Over breakfast, The Nanna declares the EEC to be a dictatorship that is trying to ban Bramley apples. We also learn that Hungarian gypsies are also taking over London and nobody’s wallets are safe from the pickpockets.

After breakfast and lots of careful deliberation, we set off for Exeter taking care to avoid all underground parking lots (for obvious reasons) and finally finding an open air lot that's only three miles outside of town. We gallop past the old roman walls of the city (no time to stop because there's only 3 hours left on the meter) and over to the cathedral.

We decide to have a look inside but are quickly hustled back outside as soon as The Nanna sees that the suggested donation of £3.50 per person. (In all honesty, the donation collectors did look rather menacing.) We are led to understand that, while a £2.00 donation is ok, any cathedral asking for £3.50 is really just shooting themselves in the foot. We are then led to understand this several more times as we debate whether or not we have the time to walk five minutes down to the quays with only 2 ½ hours left on the meter.

Next time: We drink beer and The Nanna drives

Read this or else

2007-08-10T14:27:00.000-04:00

The beginning of a reading list:

1. Motherless Brooklyn - Jonathon Letham
2. The Peculiar Memories of Thomas Penman - Bruce Robinson
3. The End of Alice - A.M. Homes

I'll be back with about 300 more soon....

Sometimes I like to write letters #1

2007-08-10T12:02:00.000-04:00

Had to help out a friend. (I had a great time...)

Dear McCarren Pool Park,

You don’t know me, but I know you, and you are not on my list of favorite places right now. I feel obliged to tell you that I had a most unfortunate evening in your presence last night.

I arrived at your premises both happy and optimistic about a fun evening with the beastie boys ahead of me. When I made the kind and generous offer to go and procure a beverage for myself (and my companions), I trusted that I would be back to shake my groove thing in 10-15 minutes.

And then things took a horrible turn for the worse.

As it turned out, I spent the ENTIRE concert waiting in line for said beverage. Repeat: ENTIRE. I did not manage to meet up with my companions until several minutes after the last encore, only to be promptly kicked out because the show was over.

Fortunately, my companions said that it was a fantastic concert and they had a great time – otherwise I would be bringing far more vehement wrath down upon you.

However, I feel the need for some retribution on your part – or 100,000 air miles from Richard Branson. I trust that you will get back to me whenever you feel like it, and, until then, I will return and poop in your pool whenever I feel like it.

Over and out,
Dunela
xoxoxoxoxox

July 26th

2007-08-08T12:12:00.000-04:00

"Nana likes bacon and eggs"

"Don't we say science not to fuck?"

"You'll be February 13th"

"One potato, two potato, three potato, four. There's a church with a number missing"

July 12th

2007-08-08T12:11:00.002-04:00

"midyear applications"

"I've got glitter on my face"

"Bernie, for sure!"

July 11th

2007-08-08T12:11:00.001-04:00

"I hate igloos"