Monday, January 28, 2008

Sometimes I like to write letters #2

Dear Amtrak,

I'm writing to let you know of my displeasure (and that of others seated around me) during a train ride I took on Amtrak the other day from Hudson to NYC.

It appears that someone made the most unwise decision to close down the bar car on this train several months ago. I was therefore forced to sit in my seat, and with nothing to do, I fell asleep. And snored. Really loudly. The whole way home. And really annoyed a lot of people.

Had the bar car been open, none of this would have happened. Because I would have been there drinking. I can't imagine that this decision was made with cost savings in mind given how badly you rip everyone off for these products.

I demand that you open the car again last week. If you do not, I might not be able to go visit my friends anymore.

Thank you.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Burleque is born

An amusing series of wrong word speak over bacon butties this morning resulted in a new venture for Adam and I.

I was trying to remember what Dita von Teese's "career" was and then there was some words that were hard.

And then "Burleque" was born.

Barbecue served to people while they watch burlesque dancers.

And we're calling it Adam's Rib.

Burleque b*tches!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Watering the dog

Not to get too serious on you, but I already had a few concerns about this practice to begin with.

And Sunday Brunch with my sister left me with no doubts.

Her golden retriever just got fitted with one of those doofy plastic collars that stops him from licking, biting, or chewing some offending body part. Or as my sister likes to call it, an Elizabethan Collar.

Problem is that he can't get at his water bowl with said collar in the way, so sister decided to pour water into his collar just to help him out.

Resulting in her waterboarding her own dog.

Nice job.

Friday, January 4, 2008

I went down a manhole

Seriously. I climbed down a manhole in the middle of a busy intersection in Brooklyn and it was awesome.

Apparently, back in the early 1800's when trains would arrive in Brooklyn carrying freight from Boston, they kept running over pedestrians because trains didn't have brakes back then. The solution was to build an underground tunnel (the world's first) where the train could run out of steam in a safer manner.

Cut to the mid 1800's and there were politics and development and something about the pine barrens, and the tunnel was supposed to have been filled in and closed forever. But the owner went for a short cut and just sealed off both ends.

For the past 150 some years there have been rumours aplenty about said tunnel. The mob was storing dead bodies down there and the FBI even went down during World War I when they thought the germans were manufacturing mustard gas down there.

It's location wasn't publicly known but endlessly searched for for years until some dude found it in the 80's. Now he does tours down there and learns you all the stuff I write above and more. It was really really cool.

I had pics that were supposed to go with this, but they got deleted. Bummer.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Do you want some pizza?

This was what some guy asked me on the subway platform the other day. Herein follows the conversation (mostly one-sided) that ensued as others watched and enjoyed:

Me: No thanks
Him: But I just got a new job today
Me: Nod happily
Him: And I even forgot to wear socks (pulls up pants to show bare ankles)
Him: You know Lennox Lewis?
Me: Uh-huh
My dad used to get all the fights on pay per view. He's my hero.
[brief interlude on Lennox that I couldn't quite grasp]
Him: Are you married? I'm looking for a companion.
Him: Once I found out I got the job, I went and bought flowers and took them back and threw them everywhere.
Him: Then they told me that I can't drink on the job. But I don't think so. If anyone come visit me, I will have a drink for them
Me: Still nodding and occasionally high fiving with him
Him: Once I get my vouchers, I'll be cool. It's very important to get that done.
Me: I agree
Him: Actually, everything in life is important.
Me: I agree
Him: Once I get my vouchers, I can stop drinking, but until then I can't live off my job alone.
Me: Amen brother.

End Scene